this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
