even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
