Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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