I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
