I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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