Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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