It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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