Say something about gay babies.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
