why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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