I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
