No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
