i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
