HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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