I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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