yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
this will be a night to untag.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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