tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
