I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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