Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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