I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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