There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
