ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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