He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
