Need sex. Gaining weight.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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