Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
