i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
