I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
