Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
