Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Randomize
