She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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