just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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