we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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