LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
