There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize