This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
