Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
