Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize