ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I smell stomach acid.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
