areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
