so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
