I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Vodka?
Forever.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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