There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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