if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
