using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
