WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
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