Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
