did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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