I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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