I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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