She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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