I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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