I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
