id be glad to
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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