just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
