Sry I called you an 8
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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