She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize