I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
