I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
