his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
