Only a mothe r could love this liver
they need to just BURY HIM!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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