I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
