if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just blew my weed a kiss
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
