What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I am spending my child support on dildos
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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