booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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