you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
