im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
