Swine flu. Run for my life!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
