I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
operation harelip BJ is a go
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We have started to decorate penises.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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