i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
