forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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