I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
