omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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