I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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