ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
