That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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