the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
